It's getting to that time again. I am a the point where I am ready to go home and see my family. I haven't seen any of them for 7 months now, and you know what? I am kinda done. It probably does not help that I am hungry, in the middl of 'that time of the month' and all around confued about a lot of things. I just cant handle anything else right now. I feel really confused about what I want, and how I want to get there, and what to do once I am there. I know I am thinking ahead pretty far, but it just kind of hit me the last few days.
That guy that I was interested in, Matt # 2, well, things are falling through, and I dont know why. It was like, one night I was trying to psyc myself up for th possibility of a kiss or any sign of affection from him, but once he kinda let me know that there was something between us, I freaked. I just am not ready. I am so tired of this. Its like, I cant just accept that a perfectly nice person want to take me out and kiss me and hold me. Just thinking about it makes me little edgy. I dont want that right now. All I want is to come home, be in my own bed, on my own firm mattress and have my old closet back. I just want to feel like I am home. I miss my brothers and it sucks. Now I know a bit of what Heavenly Father must feel when he sees one of His children do something that he has no contol over. I hate being so far away.
Man, I hope nobody is looking, cause I feel like I m about to cry. Its not exactly a selling point when you cry in th library at BYU. I dont even have any makeup here, so even if I wanted to just sit in a cubicle and cry, I couldnt. This is probably the worst day of my life. I cant even call a guy that I thought I liked and see if he will just sit with me. And I cant go home and take a hot shower and sleep.. because there is no hot water, and I dont want to be in that apartment anymore. Anyways... I guess I should just stop complaining an just suck it up. There are people that are worse off than me, who dont have the chance to even think about going to University or seeing their families. So, signing off.
Everything will all happen when it happens. Just go with whatever is happening at the time. It has been a long stretch for you I know. And you will get thru the last 3 weeks just fine. I just know it. Just as you said...things can always be worse.
ReplyDelete