Thursday, June 30, 2011

What I know now, but wish I had known then.

So, I was given this document on a hand out in my interpersonal communication class. As I read through the paper, I could only think to myself, "man, if only I had known these things when I was 17. If only I had been given this paper when I was getting into the dating field...I would have avoided a few of my boyfriends. Every girl needs to know these things before they start dating someone, so when they recognize a red flag, they act, not ignore.


20 Signs You Are Dating a Loser...
www.mental-health-matters.com

1. Rough Treatment:

"The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically of hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.


2. Quick Attachment and Expression:

"The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I love you" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you.



3. Frightening Temper:

"The Loser" has a scary temper. If your boyfriend or girlfriend blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they're mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fighs, or threatening others- that temper will soon be turned in your direction.



4. Killing your Self-Confidence:

"The Loser" repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong.



5. Cutting Off your Support:

In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends- sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends.



6. The Mean and Sweet Cycle:

"The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things baout you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. "The Loser" often apologizes but the damage to your self-esteem is already done- exactly as planned.



7. It's Always Your Fault:

"The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly -it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening.



8. Breakup Panic:

"The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up- unless it's totally their idea-then you're dropped like a hot rock. Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry, they please, they promise to change, and they offer marriage/trips/gifts when you threaten ending the relationship. Both make and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts, or quit their job and leave the area. "The Loser" offers a multitude of "deals" and halfway measures, like "let's just date one more month."



9. No Outside Interests:

"The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have and individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.



10. Paranoid Control:

"The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are asked where you were, what you were doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your mail, look through your purse/wallet, hit your redial on the phone when they arrive, or search your garbage for evidence.



11. Public Embarrassment:

In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause the to verbally attack you, either at the time of later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself smiling politely, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".



12. It's Never Enough:

"The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them- somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you.



13. Entitlement:

"The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of the other drivers with their temper tantrum. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.


14. Your Friends and Family Dislike Him:

As the relationship continues, your friends and family will see what "The Loser" is doing to you. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. "The Loser" will tell you they are jealous of the "special love" you have and then use their protest and opinion as further evidence that they are against you - not him. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them - eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. "The Loser" will be jealous and threatened by anyone you are close to - even your children. In some cases, your parents or brothers/sisters will not be allowed to visit your home.


15. Bad Stories:

People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. "The Loser" tells stories of violence, aggression, being insensitive to others, rejecting others, etc. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. They brag about their temper and outbursts because they don't see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the "I don't take nothing from nobody" attitude. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends. Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way.


16. The Waitress Test:

It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months. During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over. If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road.


17. The Reputation:

As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. "The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.


18. Walking on Eggshells:

As a relationship with "The Loser" continues, you will gradually be exposed to verbal intimidation, temper tantrums, lengthy interrogations about trivial matters, violence/threats directed at others but witnessed by you, paranoid preoccupation with your activities, and a variety of put-downs on your character. You will quickly find yourself "walking on eggshells" in their presence - fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser". Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others (they might say something that you'll have to explain later), and fearful that you'll see someone you'll have to greet in public. Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone - exactly what "The Loser" wants - no interference with their control or dominance.


19. Discounted Feelings/Opinions:

"The Loser" is so self-involved and self-worshiping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don't make sense, they're silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. "The Loser" has no interest in your opinion or your feelings - but they will be disturbed and upset that you dare question their behavior. "The Loser" is extremely hostile toward criticism and often reacts with anger or rage when their behavior is questioned.


20. They Make You "Crazy":

"The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense. If "The Loser" is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm - you call Time & Temperature to cover the redial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night. You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well - being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are "going crazy" - it's important to remember that there is no such thing as "normal behavior" in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The twins.

So, I saw this video and it reminded me of two people. Guess.
Yup. Mom and Lee Lee, chatting in the kitchen in what sometimes is literally a different language.
Enjoy.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

These are a few of my most favorite things...

-The sound of rain hitting the leaves on trees.
-The sound of the shower, through a wall.
-The sun peaking out from the clouds, creating split rays to the ground.
-A cool breeze that's strong enough to go between your hair and across the back of your neck.
-A new pair of socks.
-Old wooden boxes with velvet lining.
-Cold milk freezing your throat as it goes down.
-Pianos.
-Rinsing my face in cool water.
-Towels straight from the dryer.
-Yellow flowers with big, soft petals.
-The sound of waves hitting the beach.
-Walking past a boy that smells reallllly good.
-When your mascara works perfectly.
-Listening to a song that makes you want to dance, regardless of how inappropriate the setting is.
-The smell of new books and freshly printed ink.
-The smell of really old books.
-When a little gasoline falls on your shoe when you're pumping gas so you can still smell it all the way home.
-Wet gravel.
-Burying my hands in cold sand.
-Receiving a really, really good hug.
-Waking up in the morning, and your hair looks perfect exactly the way it is.
-When someone grips your hand really tightly with theirs.
-When you look at a person and swear you hear music playing until you drop eye contact.
-Being able to accurately express what's on your mind, and being understood.
-Finding the perfect chapstick.
-Sliding into fresh, cool sheets with smooth legs.
-Jam on toast.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Being patient sucks less after reading these...

How poor are they who have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees.
~William Shakespeare

Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.
~Brian Adams

Our patience will achieve more than our force.
~Edmund Burke

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.
~John Quincy Adams

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
~George Jackson

Patience is passion tamed.
~Lyman Abbott

There will be a time when loud-mouthed, incompetent people seem to be getting the best of you. When that happens, you only have to be patient and wait for them to self destruct. It never fails.
~Richard Rybolt

"The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter."
Paulo Coelho

"Let nothing perturb you, nothing frighten you. All things pass. God does not change. Patience achieves everything."
Mother Teresa

"Patience is bitter, but it's fruit is sweet."
Aristotle

"If something doesn't work exactly right, or maybe needs some special treatment, you don't just throw it away. Everything can't be fully operational all the time. Sometimes, we need to have the patience to give something the little nudge it needs."
Sarah Dessen

"Fear both the heat and the cold of your heart, and try to have patience, if you can."
J.R.R. Tolkien

"Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. We can grow in faith only if we are willing to wait patiently for God's purposes and patterns to unfold in our lives, on His timetable."
Neal A. Maxwell

Monday, June 13, 2011

It's a great day when your hair obeys.

So, I am not a big infomercial shopper, really. But, I will admit to a twinkle in my eye when the offer when from one Slap Chop to TWO Slap Chops in a matter of seconds. It's almost irresponsible not to consider having two of those on hand... you know, for last minute Christmas gifts, or, just in case the first one bites the dust from over use. I don't know about you, but I feel like if I had a Slap Chop I would be doing the "bikini, martini, bambini' chopping all the time.

OK, enough about the Slap Chop. I know. I get a little carried away.

What was I saying? Oh right, I don't usually fall prey to the late night babbling about products that cant even make it to Zellers (that's kinda sad when you think about it). BUT, I caved.

For years I have heard about this "Wen". It's a hair treatment, blah blah blah. Yeah. Some guy gets on late night TV and talks about his revolutionary product. It always weirded me out that he had better skin than I did, knew his perfect shade of lipstick and pulled off the "luscious lashes without looking like your wearing any mascara". Well, turns out this guys knows what he's talking about.

I purchased a kit. How could you say no to this face:
And just look at that hair. I'm sold.

And that's exactly what happened. I bought the kit. It was 20$ with free shipping. Yes.... I waited for the deal.

So this is what I got:
1 Bottle of WEN Cleasing Conditioner
1 Tube of WEN Styling Creme
1 Tub of WEN Re-Moist Intensive Hair Treatment
1 Stick of WEN Texture Balm.

So, this morning I went ahead and tried it for the first time. I hadn't washed my hair in a couple days cause I like to just rinse and dry so that the healthy oils stay in my hair shaft etc...well. I lathered this stuff up in my hair. Well, maybe I shouldn't say lather because it doesn't get all sudsy. It's like really nice conditioner.

I wasn't sold until I dried my hair with my blow dryer on hot, didn't apply any leave in conditioner and STILL my hair came out so much softer than I have ever had it before. It has BODY, it has SHINE, and its SO SOFT.

So there you have it.
"Wen".

I'm a believer.
A believer with great hair.

* Apologies for the awkwardness of the picture. I just felt weird about it... as you can probably tell.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Saturday kitchen adventures

Today I woke up and thought to myself, "I am going to spend my day in the kitchen". And that's just what I did.

First on the menu, Salmon cakes... except I am a poor college student and all I had was tuna. So, three 5oz. cans of tuna and some other ingredients later... TADA!

What you see below is a tuna-cake(sounds appetizing, huh?) topped with a mayo dressing (mayo, lemon juice, cilantro, s&p). Delish!

Then came the deserts. I basically made everything simultaneously. Here are the famous Eagan cookies.... which became victim to my "overly-hot-but-can-never-figure-out-what-temperature-to-bake-at-instead" oven. I'd say it's a superficial burn.. nothing more than a first degree.
This little treat below is a Chocolate Chip Cookie Cupcake. Yes, you read right. All of those things rolled right into one thigh-plumping desert. Basically, you make yellow cupcake batter, fill the paper half way, stick a wad of cookie dough in the middle, cover that with more batter and bake it. The icing is basically really wet cookie dough, without the egg. Pretty much the best thing ever. Really... ever.
Lastly is the Hawaiian Sweet Bread (artisan style...aka.... no pan). Now, this was from a box (I hate to admit) but I will find a recipe to bake from scratch. Anywho.... this was very cool for me. It turned out pretty dang good. It wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be, because of sweet breads I have had in the past, but pretty dang good for a box. It even came with a little yeast packet. Over all, really fun to make, and even more fun the bake....because there was no pan to clean..... well, except for the cookie sheet. But that doesn't count. Because I cleaned it several times throughout the course of the day... it didn't even seem like work by the end.
So there you have it. I am rad. I can bake. Let's get married, because it just so happens...I'm kinda domestic.Seriously. Let's get married. This is what our table will look like allllll the time. Promise.

Friday, June 10, 2011

I WANT ONE.


Yorkshire Terrier. My Birthday is Oct. 19th.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I said I wouldn't, but then I did.

Well, today I tried out a new recipe. It was SO GOOD. So good in fact, that I had to blog about it. I said to my friends that I wouldn't as I took the picture....but, I couldn't resist. So, here it is.


MINI BLUEBERRY TURNOVERS
(I used blackberries too, I just cut them into halves)

INGREDIENTS
4 oz. cream cheese-softened (half a brick)
1 egg
1/4 C White sugar
1 sheet puff pastry (I used a roll of Pillsbury croissant roll outs)
1/2 pint of blueberries (4-8 berries per roll)

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 400F and coat baking sheet lightly with cooking spray.
2. Place cream cheese in a bowl and stir until completely smooth. Separate the egg white and yolk, putting the yolk in the bowl with the cream cheese, and setting the white aside. Add sugar to bowl and stir until completely combined.
3. Lay the puff pastry sheet out and cut into squares. Now, I made 8 squares and ignored the pre-scored lines by pinching them together.
4. Spoon a tablespoon into the middle of each square and put some blueberries into the middle. Fold the two opposite corners together, one on top of the other and using a finger of water to help them stick.
4. Place turnovers on the baking sheet, brush egg whites over them and sprinkle with white sugar.
5. Bake for 15 minutes-ish, or until they look done. Mine only took about 10 because my oven is HOT. You can also wrap them and refrigerate for up to 4 hours prior to cooking.
6. Serve warm, and try your darnest not have two. I dare you.



Saturday, June 4, 2011

So there I was.....

A beautiful Saturday afternoon...and what do I do? Go to the ward activity at Egin Lake. Turns out that the weather is perfect (warm sun with just a slight breeze) and the water is a perfect temperature.

So, all us gals and our FHE brothers piled into Travis' truck and made the 20 minute drive out of town to the 'lake'. It's basically a glorified pond because it never gets deeper than your knees (or mid thigh for you shortys).

Here is us in the truck.



There's Scott, sitting on the inter-tube in the back... we hit a few bumps on the way out... so he got a bit of a ride.

Myself and Jahnin... ready to get our bronze on...Then there is Rex, always ready for his glamour shot...
Then Jahnin and Kayla. Jahnin looking especially Mexican and Kayla looking especially white.
Then, we were at the beach.

Kayla and I...

Kevin got reallllly dirty.
So we took some glamour shots. He was walking away from me, and I yelled after him to turn back but I forgot his name so I called out "Dirty boy, turn around". I guess it sounded a little wicked because I got a few awkward looks from the people around me.

He looked great though. Look at that form.

So, it was a great day at the beach. We splashed, played in the sand, ate some 'burgs and sipped lemonade.


Perfect.


Until I fell asleep for 3 hours....


and woke up like this.



Thanks summer... sometimes you sure know how to cramp my style.