And I mean NO IDEA.
I look at some girls who take a 2 year diploma to be a nurse. Yeah, I could do that... but I don't think i'll enjoy it. I could be an interior designer, in fact, I already know I can get into the program because i've been accepted once. But then I backed out. I could go to school for early childhood education or the culinary arts because then i'd be a really good mom... but I want to do more. I just don't want to follow the rules. Bummer, eh?
I'd love to write for a living, unfortunately for me the Lethbridge Herald is all full of casual columnists and has no more vacancies. The college here has a creative writing course but its an evening non-credit class. Chances are i'd be in a room with a bunch of creepy middle aged men who like poetry and young mothers looking for a night away from snot and diapers. Not exactly ideal.
I like to paint, but I'm not that good.
I like to take pictures, but I am not patient enough to learn about lighting and all that stuff.
I like fashion, but I would hate to have to sew it all.
I like talking, but there is no paid profession for that.... unfortunately.
I am a dweeb. And there is nothing I can do about it. Guys don't really want to be my boyfriend, and girls don't seem to want to hang out with me on friday nights. I work when I'm scheduled, have an institute class every wednesday, am in two YSA choirs and I teach Gospel Principles every 3rd Sunday in addition to going to my morning Ward Missionary Correlation meetings. Hello Karma? Are you out there anywhere?
Gah. I think it may be hopeless.
On the bright side, I don't have to worry about turning people down on friday nights if they are going bowling, because lets face it... bowling is a very awkward sport. After throwing your 3 balls down the lane, there is that 8 foot walk of shame off the platform back to your uncomfortable plastic swivel chair covered in glow in the dark stars. I don't see the appeal. Besides, those shoes they make you wear are hideous. I also get to sing in my car at the top of my lungs to any song i'd like, as many times in a row as i'd like. I don't have to worry about anyone complaining about the song OR the volume. That is Heaven.
Anyways, it's hard. Life is hard. I am ready for a break through, or a change of scenery. I just wish things didn't cost money.. no wait, I just wish I had a disposable income.
Whoo! I just had to vent. But, alas, the vent is shut and i'll keep all my hot air to myself... then maybe my bedroom wont be so cold.
Oh my dear Kelly girl...
ReplyDeleteHow my heart resonates to similar dilemmas of my bygone youth... no, you are not the sole author of such pining woes... but I will tell you the same thing I have told each of my children...(they rolled their eyes too!) the single GREATEST regret of my life was not to have that College Degree when I could, at the right end of my life... so I am going to sneak in through the closed vent and venture in like a meddling Aunty!
So, may I? Too late! I am already IN!
It is very difficult to nail the big "rest of my life" decisions, in one step, but it is important to take a leap of faith and open up your world by commencing the journey... you will note my blog is called Detours and Destinations, it is that for a reason. Think on it...
I can hear the melancholy in your writings... College will open options, it will open your heart and mind to things that may not have even made it to your list above! You will have a couple of years to work out your major as you mature and your mind expands in it's scope, but you must be on that magic road to get to your destination, even if it means there are MANY detours.(and there is for most of us!) You will NEVER get there, without those first steps, and if those tentative steps take you in a direction that isn't right - it's easy - detour!!!
As I read your blog and remembered our special conversations in Canada, one thing that came through clearly to me was your great curiosity and love of life! You are incredibly articulate and have a true gift for painting with words, in order to convey a rich canvas of ideas and thoughts... I would say you have a true GIFT with your language skills. I have told you before, I think there is a natural ability and gift in this direction, but of course, it is up to you to determine, if that is where your heart truly is.
AND you are totally WRONG! There is a living to be made from talking... it's called Media! I think you have everything it takes to EXCEL in communication and media studies... hmmm... would you dare?
How about jumping on a plane and hanging out with this old girl, so you can have a change of scenery, time to talk, to think and to dream and then go DO! But if that isn't possible, there is a great old girl under your same roof who loves you with all her heart and who will never fail you.
So, even without bowling, Kelly, there is dancing on the ceiling to your own tune and being paid for living your passion!
Fear and Faith cannot co-exist... trust me, faith is a lot easier in the long run than it's adversary. Run to your dream Kelly, give it all a try, remember the detours are there for a reason, they take us to our destinations
Let the light in so your bedroom isn't so cold!!! I love you!
Aunty Mary-Anne
Kelly!
ReplyDeleteI regret that is has been so long since we have spoken. However, on occasion I like to creep your blog to check up on you! haha.
Having no idea what to do with your life?? Holy, I have been there and still am sort of...
I agree a billion percent with everything you're saying - except maybe the part about bowling. But yeah, for me technical schools were like meh, yeah I could get a 2 year thing in about anything but do I really want that? I also understand that there are some things that you like that you want to keep as hobbies and don't want to do as a career per se for the rest of your life. Talking... hmm yeah you could be on TV or what about the radio since you love music so much? We could use someone to replace CC and Lorie. They're getting pretty obselete.
My wise words are that of finding something that you love and more importantly something that feels right. One day you will just know. I'm going to university right now studying human justice.. who knew. Like - what the crap is human justice? Who studies that? haha so I can relate to having absolutely NO freaking IDEA what you wanna do aha cuz I was there not longgg ago. Maybe you just haven't found what it is you're looking for quite yet. I can tell you university or college does open a lot of doors. Keep looking. One day Kelly... one day. Haha.. I know it must be so annoying to hear that.. cuz I hate hearing it probably as much as you do!
But seriouso.
You're amazing!
Keep yo chin up!!